I wish my life could just get easier. I'm working on fixing my previously mentioned problems, but a new one has come up. One that I just don't know what to think about. I think I'm getting feelings for a friend. Not just any friend... A male friend. Until know, I've felt I was exclusively interested in women. Now, I ain't got nothing against Bisexuals, or the term. But I feel I identify more with the term of Lesbian! I mean, this post alone will have some of you questioning my integrity in using the term. In my opinion, I swing so far towards the fairer sex that the term Bisexual is almost a misnomer. I can get away with keeping the term if I don't date him, but what if I want to? How many people would get mad at me for continuing to call myself a Lesbian? Other Queer folks like me wouldn't really mind, they might understand. But what about you guys? My friends, the ones who know me? Would you get mad at me? Would you understand?
I still have to find out if I really do have true feelings, or if its just a reflection of a deepening friendship? One thing is certain, I do NOT want a repeat of what happened with Pink Kitty or Blue Guitar. Something like that would just rip me apart; Another failed relationship with a good friend would leave me broken.
Guys, I need your help here. What should I do?
And, before I forget! I'll miss you guys! Gold, Janelle, Daydream Believer (You saw nothing)! I love you all! =) HAVE FUN, GUYS!
Labels: Memoir, Utter Confusion |
I always grew great connections with friends and avoided deep relationships with friends because I was nervous about destroying the friendships.
What I never thought about was that the connection is obviously there, or else such a connection would never have been made at all.
Most of my regrets fall upon this issue, because it probably could have gone really well... or badly, I don't know.
I still wish I had known.
As for the sexuality: bisexuality is not a big step from homosexuality or heterosexuality, in either direction. And people change their inclinations, or perhaps discover them later on.
Just do what feels right to you, because anything else will be regrettable, unstable or unhfulfilling.
As she said to me, so long ago: 'What can we do but be?'