Vagabond Sphinx

4.20.2008
Oh, The Tragedy
I managed to get a copy of that conversation... Brace yourself XD

Fundiezilla: Come to ma church tomorrow plzz!

Scarlet: I have to work tomorrow. Also, church people tend to dislike people like me. You know... The whole "witches are evil" thing, and the "women shouldn't love women" thing.

Fundiezilla: u c dats da hole point! Ma mum wants to get u out of believin in all dat witchcraft nonsense an she wants u to becum a Straight girl wich is y u need to come to ma church yomorrow so dat u can be Saved by Jesus Christ!

Scarlet: Fundiezilla, I'm sorry. That's not the way I am.
I don't need to be saved. I chose my religion, and this is what I believe. Do you try and convert all the Jews, Muslims, Hindus, etc.? They believe what they believe, and you believe what you believe. If I'm going to burn in hell, well... I put myself there.
As for my sexual orientation... I didn't chose that. I can't change that. It's who I am, and it's who I'll always be. But look on the brightside (for you, at least)... I've found the person I want to be with, and he's male.

Fundiezilla: k ma mum is only tryin to make u a better person an a better Christian. U need to get rid of da bisexual orientation. It not rite an God will not luve u for it an u will be sent to hell to burn for all eternity. Also quit believen in Wicca ur only maken god madder at u an u will also be sent to hell for dat too. Soo call in sick tomorrow fir werk an come to ma church to here bout God's werd.

Scarlet: I am not Christian. I used to go to church, and it wasn't right for me. Wicca is. I follow the Wiccan Rede, "An it harm none, do as thou will".
Why would God hate me for being a kinder person?
As for my bisexuality... I didn't choose to be this way. I can't choose to not be this way. It'll always be a part of me. Since the day I was born, I have been this way. God made me this way.
Tell your Mom that I don't need saving. Tell your Mom that I am always going to love looking at naked women.
Tell your Mom that I am going to live my life the way I want to, and I am going to follow the Wiccan Rede and love the Earth.
... Tell your Mom to mind her own fucking business, and not to shove her/your religion down my throat again.

Fundiezilla: Excuse Me! My mom is NOT happy witchu u rite Now! If u dont do waut she says then she will do it for u!! Shes sendin her pastor over to ur hous tomorrow at 8:30 a.m. Sharp! Be up an ready an dont go to werk!!!

Scarlet: Fundiezilla, you don't even know where I live -_-

Fundiezilla: yes i do in [Generic Large Neighbourhood] an i know ur phone nember too!

Scarlet: Well, good luck with that.

[And, just now...]

Fundiezilla: My mum coudent cum over to ur hous today wit her pastor cuz it was such short notice.....but......my mums pastor is cumin over nxt Sunday same time sooo u better be up an take dat day off form werk! I Mean It! We know where u live so u cant run nor Hide Scarlet Gypsy!!!!!!!!!


So, I obviously edited that a little bit... But just the names and area that I live. I'm kind of interested to see if she keeps trying. She seems kind of desperate XD

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posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Sunday, April 20, 2008   2 comments

4.19.2008
So, You Want To Go To Hell...
Well, I just had an interesting argument with a "friend" of mine. Unfortunately, Facebook deleted her account and messages before I could get a good copy of them. It was quite interesting.

It started off simple, with her asking me to go to her church with her tomorrow...
I declined, because of work and... Well, most churches find people like me to be evil =D
Well, apparently that's why she wants me to go.

It's been a while since I've had anybody tell me that I need to be saved. And it's the first time, I think, that I've been told that I need to "fix myself" and become a straight girl.

The conversation ended with her claiming that her Mom was going to get the pastor of their church to come pick me up at 8:30 sharp tomorrow morning. Shortly after that, her account got deleted along with all her posts.

It made me feel a bit bad for her, really. She's been controlled by her Mom for years. She's not really the religious fanatic, her Mom is. And she does and says what her Mom wants. She didn't even try and hide it in her posts, and friends of mine that know her Mom have told me that it's not just a cover. She's a puppet. I mean, sure. She's religious as well, and she does have her issues... But if it wasn't for her Mom, I think she'd be a nicer person.

I also realized just how lucky I am. I have such potential to be discriminated against, especially by the overly-religious. And yet, it hasn't really happened.
The biggest case of discrimination I've had was by this girl in middle school who was certifiably crazy. She kept going on about how her family was the last in a line of "famous witch hunters", and it was their goal to burn all the witches. She was the kind of person who would yell insults at me from across the street if she saw me, and threatened me to my face. Luckily, it was all empty threats. I probably should have been scared, considering the potential she had for actually hurting me... But I just held my head high and kept walking.
And, until tonight, I don't think I've ever really been discriminated against for liking women. I mean, I've met people who don't agree, and people who think it's a choice... But I'd never really met anybody who has told me to change, that I need to stop "sinning" and follow the way of God and be straight.

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posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Saturday, April 19, 2008   0 comments

11.30.2007
We're Releasing On Time
... Alright, so you guys probably thought I'd never update again. You were probably right, but I changed my mind. Ha!
I haven't updated in a while because there hasn't really been much to update about... I mean, things have been happening, but they aren't necessarily update worthy or they've been too personal.
But, I'm going to try.

For the last little while, I haven't been doing so good. I've been doing a lot of crying. Things have been stressful, really stressful. I've been working 4 days/21.5 hours a week, and going to school full time. I don't have time to see the people that I want to see as often as I would like, and sometimes it hurts. But I'm working through it the best I can. Besides... I would rather see you once every two weeks then never again.
Things have been getting better though. There's something different in the air, and it's like there's a new energy pulsing through my veins. The last time I cried, it wasn't out of sadness. It was out of absolute happiness. It was out of being accepted exactly as I am, with all my problems and differences. It was being allowed to be who I am, without having to be afraid. It was seeing things that I thought would be ignored fall into place. It was... wonderful.

Also, I've quit my job.
That's right, no more Harvey's. I handed in my two weeks today. Why, you ask? Don't I need the money, you ask? Of course I need the money. But I have a new job. A closer job. I got hired at the new Tim Horton's that's being built just down the street from my house. I'll be working two eight hour shifts on the weekend, for a total of 16 hours a week. That's close to what I had, and I'm pretty sure I won't die from it.
... I hope.

My sister has finally left home.
All her stuff is still here, but she is not. Nobody seems quite sure where she's going to stay or when she's getting her stuff, but she does not want to come back. Right now, she's staying with her abusive ex-boyfriend. She always ends up going back to him. But apparently this time, he doesn't want her. She said something about trying to find a place, but she doesn't even have a job right now.

I'm not sure what else has happened in the last 2 months... My brain is sleeping right now.

... ... ... I miss you, Daydream Believer! =D

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posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Friday, November 30, 2007   1 comments

10.07.2007
Tightrope walking
I've been doing a lot of thinking, lately. My brain is making me think things that I normally wouldn't think about. More insecurities have appeared, making me fight desperately to put out the fires in my mind. It's as if my mind has split in half, and a part of it wants to ruin everything that I have fought so hard for. Sometimes it's like somebody else is controlling what I do.
... I didn't mean to. I know you don't care, but I feel like I broke your trust. Perhaps it's just my mind working things against me, magnifying them greater then they deserve to be. Or maybe I'm right to feel guilty. I don't know.

Sometimes I feel like I'm a puppet of sorts. When I hang around a person for a while, I slowly begin acting like them. Does anybody else ever notice this (happening to me or to themselves)? Over the years, I've picked up small gestures or speech from so many people. And I don't usually notice. If I do notice, though, it's a really strange feeling. It makes me feel disconnected from myself, as if I've become a whole new person.
Am I starting the cycle all over again, just following blindly with no real sense of direction? Or am I just falling back into something I knew so long ago? I can only hope you're helping me find my way back to something that was once so familiar. I don't want this to be just another lie, something that becomes branded upon my brain because I've been exposed to it so much. Please don't misunderstand! I am so glad that you can trust me and that you aren't afraid to talk about it. I'm just afraid of what would happen if I fell back in and got your hopes up, only to realize later on that it wasn't REAL. Does that make sense?

... I may or may not continue this post a little later on.

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posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Sunday, October 07, 2007   2 comments

7.15.2007
Sarah Bazil... May you rest in peace

I only had the pleasure of getting to know Sarah a couple of days ago, but her death strikes me hard. She was a thoughtful, loving, funny, thought-provoking person. We got along together instantly, finding ourselves with common interests and friends. I met her at summer school, in my World Religions class. Unfortunately, Sarah had Bipolar disorder, and fell into a state of serious depression. On Friday, July 13 2007, she made the painful decision to take her own life. She will be missed by her friends, family, and everybody she knew.

I love you, Sarah.
I will NEVER FORGET YOU.

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posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Sunday, July 15, 2007   1 comments

5.31.2007
Graduation Times Among Us
Well, it's that time of year again. Exams, summatives, GRADUATION. I've been through two "graduations" so far, all of them trying to prepare me for the real one that so many of my friends are facing now. For the longest time, any sort of "graduation" or "commencement" has really struck me hard. Elementary school, middle school, now high school. I never really knew why it hurt as badly as it did, but now I do. And it all came back to me in a dream.

You could call it a memory, I suppose. Because that's exactly what this dream was. A memory of an old friend of mine. The very last memory I have of her, from the very last time I ever saw her. Her name is Krystal, and I don't remember exactly how we met. When we did meet, though, I was six and she was twelve. We connected instantly, our thirst for knowledge bringing us closer. She had so much to offer me, and I had things that I could offer her. We met in her last year at elementary school, and didn't get really close until it was almost the end. When she left, I was heartbroken. We both were. She gave me an old book, something that she had received when she was my age, a child's book that she still kept close to her heart. Krystal promised me that we would meet again, when we were older, and share all the information that we had gather over the years. Then, just like that, our friendship was over. I never got the chance to see her again. I waited for her to visit the school again, but she never came. If she did, I never saw her. I've been thinking about her a lot lately, and it seems to have come out of nowhere. The memory/dream has really made me look at things a little differently for the past couple of days. Things in my past, present, and future.

I guess its caused me to become depressed around graduations, because I never know if I will ever truly see those people again. Even if they say that they'll keep in contact, things may get in the way, or people may forget. There are so many things about my friendship with Krystal that reflect the way my life is right now. She was an amazing friend, and didn't try to avoid me because I was younger. She "graduated", and I regret not getting to know her sooner. In the past two years, there has been a lot of people that I have met, but didn't stay in contact with. I mean, I met Daydream Believer, Loud, Gold, and some others last year. For some reason, though, I just didn't really bother to see them that much. I'm really regretting that choice now. I mean, sure. We've had an awesome year, but what's going to happen now? Is the end of high school the time when the world rips you away from your friends and flings you somewhere far away for more schooling? If it is, how are we going to keep in touch? For somebody who's tied down rather firmly, Windsor can be a pretty far place to travel too.

I guess the whole point of this was just to tell you all how much I'm going to miss you. I will definitely be there at graduation/commencement; I wouldn't miss it for the world. If I seem down or depressed in the next couple of days, don't worry about it. It'll pass. Then it'll come back. Then it'll pass again. Then a seemingly unending cycle will erupt, but I promise it will pass in due time.
I suppose this is where I'll end this update. Rawr!

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posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Thursday, May 31, 2007   2 comments

4.11.2007
Let them throw stones

I wish my life could just get easier. I'm working on fixing my previously mentioned problems, but a new one has come up. One that I just don't know what to think about. I think I'm getting feelings for a friend. Not just any friend... A male friend. Until know, I've felt I was exclusively interested in women. Now, I ain't got nothing against Bisexuals, or the term. But I feel I identify more with the term of Lesbian! I mean, this post alone will have some of you questioning my integrity in using the term. In my opinion, I swing so far towards the fairer sex that the term Bisexual is almost a misnomer. I can get away with keeping the term if I don't date him, but what if I want to? How many people would get mad at me for continuing to call myself a Lesbian? Other Queer folks like me wouldn't really mind, they might understand. But what about you guys? My friends, the ones who know me? Would you get mad at me? Would you understand?

I still have to find out if I really do have true feelings, or if its just a reflection of a deepening friendship? One thing is certain, I do NOT want a repeat of what happened with Pink Kitty or Blue Guitar. Something like that would just rip me apart; Another failed relationship with a good friend would leave me broken.
Guys, I need your help here. What should I do?


And, before I forget! I'll miss you guys! Gold, Janelle, Daydream Believer (You saw nothing)! I love you all! =) HAVE FUN, GUYS!

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posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Wednesday, April 11, 2007   2 comments

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