 |
| 4.30.2007 |
| I Follow Through, Eventually |
So, I told the mystery guy how I feel, like I said I would. Things went about as well as I expected they would, too. We're still friends, which is great. My only goal for this encounter was to get it off of my chest so that it wouldn't affect me so much. Maybe now that the news is out there, I won't keep thinking about it all the time. I won't need to worry about things like when I'll tell him, how I'll tell him, or how he'll react; there is no suspense in things that have already happened. Life will just keep going on, and anything that comes from this will happen on it's own. I'm not going to force the matter anymore than it's already been forced. I don't want him to feel as if I'm trying to push him into a relationship that he doesn't want.
See, I'm a funny creature: As long as I can stay friends with somebody, I am (more or less) perfectly happy to give up a chance for a relationship. I've had bad relationship outcomes in the past, and I suppose it's clouded my feelings towards them. I mean, don't get me wrong; I find being in a relationship very satisfying. The outcomes, however, tend to hurt me deeper than any physical wound could. On a side note, I never actually asked him out. I merely told him how I felt. That way, there was no actual rejection involved. Everything is good now, or as good as it can get.
On another note, I heard lots of stories from Gold, Janelle, and Daydream believer about their trip to Japan. Everything from being "touched" on the bus to seeing guys reading "smut" on the train, to scaring people away without actually doing anything. Sounds like it was lots of fun, and I can't wait to go next year!
Yes... Alright... Indeed! *shifty eyes*Labels: Memoir |
posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Monday, April 30, 2007  |
|
|
|
| 4.29.2007 |
| Back from the dead |
Well, I guess it's time I update again. The rumors are true, you see; I died, and am now back from the dead. Gotta love them trusty phoenix downs! =D
So, there's not much news in the life of me. I'm glad to see that you guys are back from Japan. Can't wait to hear all about it tomorrow.
I suppose the only interesting thing that has happened is my resolve to tell the mystery guy how I feel. I will tell him, and whatever happens after that is left to chance, fate, and lady luck. I just hope, pray, that our friendship can stand up. I doubt our friendship will crumble, but I still need to get over the small little insecurities. As my grandmother would say, I'm making mountains out of molehills again. Luck, if you've ever been a lady to begin with... Luck be a lady tonight!
I guess I'll end my post here. Can't wait to see you all tomorrow!
Labels: Memoir |
| posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Sunday, April 29, 2007 |
|
|
|
| 4.16.2007 |
| Change of Plans |
Oh, and scratch the whole journal thing. I'm too lazy, and I'm not sure how it would work. You guys'll just have to feel left out when you get back, until you can find out what you missed.
On that note, you missed getting the summative. We have to write about:
- yourself and/or a friend (place you/he/she lives & goes to school etc; interests; dreams for the future etc.)
- your town/your school
You'll also be missing a kanji and grammar test (mainly the "Te-Form" of verbs in various contexts)
Hope you're having fun!Labels: School |
| posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Monday, April 16, 2007 |
|
|
|
| 4.13.2007 |
| Pandora's Box |
After my last post, it appears all my insecurities are starting to float to the surface again. Insecurities about friends, love, and just life in general. It seems stupid, both to myself and others, but I can't help but worry about these stupid things...
Will I still be able to keep in contact with my friends after they graduate? Gold, Janelle, Daydream Believer... Will we still see each other after you guys graduate? What about when you guys start going to College/University?
And this Mystery Guy... If something happens or you find out, how will our friendship stand up? Will it still stand strong, with or without a relationship?
So... there you have it. Just a few of my insecurities. When they've all come out of The Box (which, interestingly enough, was actually a jar), I'll be looking forward to the hope that's waiting patiently for me. Though, the presence of hope at the bottom of Pandora's Box/Jar begs an interesting question... Is Hope one of the ultimate evils of this world, or was it meant as refuge from said evils? Will we ever know for sure?
Until later! Oh, and starting... Monday! I'm going to be keeping a small journal type thing for everybody who's visiting Japan right now so they don't feel too left out ^-^
|
| posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Friday, April 13, 2007 |
|
|
|
| 4.11.2007 |
| Let them throw stones |
I wish my life could just get easier. I'm working on fixing my previously mentioned problems, but a new one has come up. One that I just don't know what to think about. I think I'm getting feelings for a friend. Not just any friend... A male friend. Until know, I've felt I was exclusively interested in women. Now, I ain't got nothing against Bisexuals, or the term. But I feel I identify more with the term of Lesbian! I mean, this post alone will have some of you questioning my integrity in using the term. In my opinion, I swing so far towards the fairer sex that the term Bisexual is almost a misnomer. I can get away with keeping the term if I don't date him, but what if I want to? How many people would get mad at me for continuing to call myself a Lesbian? Other Queer folks like me wouldn't really mind, they might understand. But what about you guys? My friends, the ones who know me? Would you get mad at me? Would you understand?
I still have to find out if I really do have true feelings, or if its just a reflection of a deepening friendship? One thing is certain, I do NOT want a repeat of what happened with Pink Kitty or Blue Guitar. Something like that would just rip me apart; Another failed relationship with a good friend would leave me broken.
Guys, I need your help here. What should I do?
And, before I forget! I'll miss you guys! Gold, Janelle, Daydream Believer (You saw nothing)! I love you all! =) HAVE FUN, GUYS!
Labels: Memoir, Utter Confusion |
| posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Wednesday, April 11, 2007 |
|
|
|
| 4.07.2007 |
| Dynamite |
Nothing is making sense. My whole world seems to be going tipsy-turvy on me, and I don't know why. My grades are sinking, I'm procrastinating on things I wouldn't procrastinate on, I havn't been hungry, I keep sleeping more and more, and I keep bitching about every little thing. I also seem to be twitching and fidgiting a lot more than usual. You'd think I had some wierd sort of "'lazy-ass' disease for twitchers"or something.
My grades are what bother me the most. I mean, last I heard, I had 18% in Careers. 18 fucking percent! It's possible to pass, but that involves doing kick-ass on my summative. Which means I should be working on it. But I'm not. Instead, I'm sitting on my ass playing games, or watching tv, or blogging, or just doing nothing.
Like I said as well, I'm getting a whole lot bitchier. Things that I would normally shrug and say meh to are causing me to get pissed off and storm out of the room. Not even 30 minutes ago, my parents told me to find something to eat for dinner. I ain't hungry. After saying that, they told me to eat anyways. So what did I do? I yelled at them and came down here, practically in tears. Why? I have no fucking idea!
So, there you have it. My life just seems to be getting worse and worse. I think I'll go curl up in a hole somewhere and rot, if you don't mind.Labels: Memoir, Soapbox |
| posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Saturday, April 07, 2007 |
|
|
|
Vagabond Sphinx
No part of the content or the blog may be reproduced without permission.
|
| |
|
 |
| |
|
|
| Am I The Walrus? |
|
Name: Scarlet Gypsy
About Me: I am an unknown, an enigma. I am misunderstood by all, yet unable to understand myself. For now, I am the Scarlet Gypsy; roaming from place to place, from thought to thought, until I can find myself under all the dust.
Stalkers, Click Here (Profile)
|
| Deja-Vu |
|
|
| Les Webcomics |
|
| I can't live without them! |
|
|
|