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| 5.26.2008 |
| Another Year |
So, it's my birthday today.
According to all the automated emails I've been getting, it's my 17th, 19th, 21st, 25th, and 28th birthday. Hooray?
Really, it's just... a day. I don't feel any older. But I've been doing a lot of thinking. Thinking about how my life is now, how my life was then, and how I want my life to be. And I've realized that my life can be compared to color.
See, back at the beginning of high school... My life wasn't too bad. I had friends, I got along with my parents. Things weren't great, but they weren't bad, either. It was sepia-toned.
Then I woke up one morning... And everything was dull and bleak. I realized just how tired I was... My parents and I didn't get along anymore, and I had lost interest in school. My friends were still there for me, but it seems like they don't always understand what I'm going through. But, they try, and I'm grateful for that. It's black and white.
When I think of the future, I get hopeful. I see myself in my own house. I see myself happy, and energetic. Like the old me, I enjoy life much more than I do now. Life is great, and it can only get better. It's in color.
One day, my life will change. I won't be so tired...
Why am I so tired?Labels: Memoir |
posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Monday, May 26, 2008  |
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| 4.20.2008 |
| Oh, The Tragedy |
I managed to get a copy of that conversation... Brace yourself XD
Fundiezilla: Come to ma church tomorrow plzz!
Scarlet: I have to work tomorrow. Also, church people tend to dislike people like me. You know... The whole "witches are evil" thing, and the "women shouldn't love women" thing.
Fundiezilla: u c dats da hole point! Ma mum wants to get u out of believin in all dat witchcraft nonsense an she wants u to becum a Straight girl wich is y u need to come to ma church yomorrow so dat u can be Saved by Jesus Christ!
Scarlet: Fundiezilla, I'm sorry. That's not the way I am.
I don't need to be saved. I chose my religion, and this is what I believe. Do you try and convert all the Jews, Muslims, Hindus, etc.? They believe what they believe, and you believe what you believe. If I'm going to burn in hell, well... I put myself there.
As for my sexual orientation... I didn't chose that. I can't change that. It's who I am, and it's who I'll always be. But look on the brightside (for you, at least)... I've found the person I want to be with, and he's male.
Fundiezilla: k ma mum is only tryin to make u a better person an a better Christian. U need to get rid of da bisexual orientation. It not rite an God will not luve u for it an u will be sent to hell to burn for all eternity. Also quit believen in Wicca ur only maken god madder at u an u will also be sent to hell for dat too. Soo call in sick tomorrow fir werk an come to ma church to here bout God's werd.
Scarlet: I am not Christian. I used to go to church, and it wasn't right for me. Wicca is. I follow the Wiccan Rede, "An it harm none, do as thou will".
Why would God hate me for being a kinder person?
As for my bisexuality... I didn't choose to be this way. I can't choose to not be this way. It'll always be a part of me. Since the day I was born, I have been this way. God made me this way.
Tell your Mom that I don't need saving. Tell your Mom that I am always going to love looking at naked women.
Tell your Mom that I am going to live my life the way I want to, and I am going to follow the Wiccan Rede and love the Earth.
... Tell your Mom to mind her own fucking business, and not to shove her/your religion down my throat again.
Fundiezilla: Excuse Me! My mom is NOT happy witchu u rite Now! If u dont do waut she says then she will do it for u!! Shes sendin her pastor over to ur hous tomorrow at 8:30 a.m. Sharp! Be up an ready an dont go to werk!!!
Scarlet: Fundiezilla, you don't even know where I live -_-
Fundiezilla: yes i do in [Generic Large Neighbourhood] an i know ur phone nember too!
Scarlet: Well, good luck with that.
[And, just now...]
Fundiezilla: My mum coudent cum over to ur hous today wit her pastor cuz it was such short notice.....but......my mums pastor is cumin over nxt Sunday same time sooo u better be up an take dat day off form werk! I Mean It! We know where u live so u cant run nor Hide Scarlet Gypsy!!!!!!!!!
So, I obviously edited that a little bit... But just the names and area that I live. I'm kind of interested to see if she keeps trying. She seems kind of desperate XDLabels: Boredom, Memoir, Utter Confusion |
| posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Sunday, April 20, 2008 |
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| 4.19.2008 |
| So, You Want To Go To Hell... |
Well, I just had an interesting argument with a "friend" of mine. Unfortunately, Facebook deleted her account and messages before I could get a good copy of them. It was quite interesting.
It started off simple, with her asking me to go to her church with her tomorrow...
I declined, because of work and... Well, most churches find people like me to be evil =D
Well, apparently that's why she wants me to go.
It's been a while since I've had anybody tell me that I need to be saved. And it's the first time, I think, that I've been told that I need to "fix myself" and become a straight girl.
The conversation ended with her claiming that her Mom was going to get the pastor of their church to come pick me up at 8:30 sharp tomorrow morning. Shortly after that, her account got deleted along with all her posts.
It made me feel a bit bad for her, really. She's been controlled by her Mom for years. She's not really the religious fanatic, her Mom is. And she does and says what her Mom wants. She didn't even try and hide it in her posts, and friends of mine that know her Mom have told me that it's not just a cover. She's a puppet. I mean, sure. She's religious as well, and she does have her issues... But if it wasn't for her Mom, I think she'd be a nicer person.
I also realized just how lucky I am. I have such potential to be discriminated against, especially by the overly-religious. And yet, it hasn't really happened.
The biggest case of discrimination I've had was by this girl in middle school who was certifiably crazy. She kept going on about how her family was the last in a line of "famous witch hunters", and it was their goal to burn all the witches. She was the kind of person who would yell insults at me from across the street if she saw me, and threatened me to my face. Luckily, it was all empty threats. I probably should have been scared, considering the potential she had for actually hurting me... But I just held my head high and kept walking.
And, until tonight, I don't think I've ever really been discriminated against for liking women. I mean, I've met people who don't agree, and people who think it's a choice... But I'd never really met anybody who has told me to change, that I need to stop "sinning" and follow the way of God and be straight.Labels: Boredom, Memoir, Soapbox, Utter Confusion |
| posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Saturday, April 19, 2008 |
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| 3.06.2008 |
| Don't Let Me Fall |
Things have changed in my life, I've gotten older, I've matured.
I've faced hardships at home, I've spent a large part of my life being rejected by everybody...
But now it's time to finally prove myself, to show them that I won't falter.
I can no longer find (good) reasons to live in a house where I'm treated like a guest, where I'm more of a maid then a daughter. I can no longer accept living in a house where I'm treated like a child, where I'm told that I'll never amount to anything.
I can no longer handle the stress of watching my parents fight, and then blaming every little thing that goes wrong around the house on me.
The gears have started to move, and they'll only get faster from here on in.
Now, I know what some of you might be thinking. I went on like this at the beginning of the year. And I'm still at home. What gives?
Well, I didn't actually have the means to support myself back then. I was being paid minimum wage, and there was no guarantee that I would actually have my job for any length of time. But the thought never really left my mind.
Recently, I've had a lot of family troubles... Big ones. I had a breakdown over the weekend, and it caused me to do something that I told myself a long time ago that I would never do again. I regret it, and I don't think I could have brought myself back so quickly if it wasn't for my friends... But what's done is done, and it's really helped me to focus my thoughts and energy on finding a solution.
I'm saving money, and I'm getting used to working an extra shift each week. If everything goes as planned, I hope to be in my own apartment by July 1st. I understand how tough it'll be, but I really do think I can manage... I've done my research, I've done my calculations.
When it finally comes moving day, I may ask if some of you guys can help me move my stuff... I don't have high hopes that my parents will help, and I know it would be a lot easier/cheaper to get help from you guys then to hire movers XD
Besides, I don't have THAT much stuff =P
Oh, and in case you guys are wondering... I'll still be going to Gloucester after I move out. I'll still graduate, and I won't sacrifice school for freedom =)Labels: Memoir |
| posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Thursday, March 06, 2008 |
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| 2.01.2008 |
| Syntax Error |
I know its been a long time since I updated...
With work, school, and what little life I have, it can be hard to find time to actually tell you guys what's going on with me lately.
So, I'm going to do a quick summary of things that have happened of interest.
Christmas came and went. While it may have started off on an angry note, it quickly became the best Christmas I've ever had. I got to spend time with Gold, and even though it wasn't a lot, it was enough to make me feel absolutely wonderful.
... And his family is pretty wacky and cool too. They gave me the world's loudest, cutest, and most annoying alarm clock ever. I don't use it, because of how loud and annoying it is, but I keep it on my end table for decoration ^_^
The Christmas holidays, on a whole, were full of rest and relaxation. Also, friends.
And then came New Years.
I got to spend time with close friends that I hadn't seen for a while. Loud, Daydream Believer, and Star were there, as was Gold. And while it was a lot of fun talking with everybody that was there, and watching people become tangled knots of laughter... The part that I loved the most came when the fun had ended, as people began to sleep... Loud, I can't thank you enough for what you did. You turned New Years into the best night of my life... Things may not have been perfect, but it was still so... amazing. At times, I thought maybe I was dreaming, that it might not be real...
I can't think of a better way to bring in the New Year then to fall asleep (or, at least, try to sleep) next to the one person you love more than anything else in the world... And I wouldn't have been able to do so if it wasn't for your understanding, Loud. Thank you =D
So far, 2008 has been pretty slow. Gold's birthday came and went, and now he is the not-as-awkward age of 19. Also known as his final year of being a dreaded TEENAGER. I'm surprised my parents didn't get twitchy about it. After all, they get twitchy when they see us cuddling on the couch because they instantly think we're up to no good. And I wish I was kidding >_<
Anyway, I was happy that I could celebrate his birthday with him, and that he enjoyed my (late) gift. Maybe he'll be here for my next one! =P
... And maybe I won't lose whatever gift he decides to get me =/
I'm being cross-trained at my new job... I'm going to become the morning weekend baker. I'll be working from 4am until 12 every Saturday and Sunday. What... fun? I mean, baking is a lot better then dealing with whiny customers. But at 4 in the morning, I don't know how well I'll be functioning. Ah well.
As you may be able to tell, my brain function is deteriorating as the time goes by. I'm writing this because I don't really have anything better to do. School starts up again tomorrow, and I should have been in bed at least an hour ago. But I'm just not tired enough to sleep. And I have to be up in 6 hours... Boo.
At least I passed grade 11 gifted math. TAKE THAT, KENNEDY/SATAN. After all, you're the same person. We all know you are.
Bah. I should sleep now. I guess.
In one last piece of news... I'm addicted to Second Cup, and wish that there was one closer to my house. But the closest one is about 20 minutes away =(Labels: Boredom, Memoir, School |
| posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Friday, February 01, 2008 |
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| 11.30.2007 |
| We're Releasing On Time |
... Alright, so you guys probably thought I'd never update again. You were probably right, but I changed my mind. Ha!
I haven't updated in a while because there hasn't really been much to update about... I mean, things have been happening, but they aren't necessarily update worthy or they've been too personal.
But, I'm going to try.
For the last little while, I haven't been doing so good. I've been doing a lot of crying. Things have been stressful, really stressful. I've been working 4 days/21.5 hours a week, and going to school full time. I don't have time to see the people that I want to see as often as I would like, and sometimes it hurts. But I'm working through it the best I can. Besides... I would rather see you once every two weeks then never again.
Things have been getting better though. There's something different in the air, and it's like there's a new energy pulsing through my veins. The last time I cried, it wasn't out of sadness. It was out of absolute happiness. It was out of being accepted exactly as I am, with all my problems and differences. It was being allowed to be who I am, without having to be afraid. It was seeing things that I thought would be ignored fall into place. It was... wonderful.
Also, I've quit my job.
That's right, no more Harvey's. I handed in my two weeks today. Why, you ask? Don't I need the money, you ask? Of course I need the money. But I have a new job. A closer job. I got hired at the new Tim Horton's that's being built just down the street from my house. I'll be working two eight hour shifts on the weekend, for a total of 16 hours a week. That's close to what I had, and I'm pretty sure I won't die from it.
... I hope.
My sister has finally left home.
All her stuff is still here, but she is not. Nobody seems quite sure where she's going to stay or when she's getting her stuff, but she does not want to come back. Right now, she's staying with her abusive ex-boyfriend. She always ends up going back to him. But apparently this time, he doesn't want her. She said something about trying to find a place, but she doesn't even have a job right now.
I'm not sure what else has happened in the last 2 months... My brain is sleeping right now.
... ... ... I miss you, Daydream Believer! =DLabels: Memoir, School, Soapbox, Utter Confusion |
| posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Friday, November 30, 2007 |
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| 7.15.2007 |
| Sarah Bazil... May you rest in peace |
I only had the pleasure of getting to know Sarah a couple of days ago, but her death strikes me hard. She was a thoughtful, loving, funny, thought-provoking person. We got along together instantly, finding ourselves with common interests and friends. I met her at summer school, in my World Religions class. Unfortunately, Sarah had Bipolar disorder, and fell into a state of serious depression. On Friday, July 13 2007, she made the painful decision to take her own life. She will be missed by her friends, family, and everybody she knew.
I love you, Sarah.
I will NEVER FORGET YOU.Labels: Death, Memoir, Utter Confusion |
| posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Sunday, July 15, 2007 |
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| 6.20.2007 |
| An End |
Well, I just had my last exam of my grade 10 year. It feels good knowing that I'm done for a while, assuming I pass all my courses. Of course, I'm not REALLY done for the summer. Next month will bring about crazy shenanigans while I attend reach ahead at the Catholic school.
Gold, Daydream Believer, Loud... How does it feel knowing that you're finally done? You've waited four long years for this, and now it has come. What are you thinking? What are you planning? Are you excited, energetic, apprehensive, lethargic? What goes through your mind when you realize that you've finally made it?
I shall continue later, when I have more time. But for now, I must be off to bed.Labels: Memoir, School |
| posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Wednesday, June 20, 2007 |
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| 6.14.2007 |
| Stability and Confidence |
The train wreck that has been my life the past couple of weeks is almost right again. Soon, the last survivors will be out and free, and the dead will be laid to rest. Then, the train can start on its merry way once more, along with a few souls who have decided to take their chances and brave another crash.
...Alright, so my analogy isn't the best. But you get the picture, right?
It just seems like things are getting better and better. Things are finally starting to become stable, which is good. School is stable (lotta good that does now, though, eh?), life at home is becoming stable, my relationship is stable (though it wasn't really unstable to begin with). Really, it all comes down to me being able to live my life again, how I want to live it. I've gotten my confidence back, and it makes me feel free. I'm not afraid to speak my mind anymore, I'm not afraid to look people in the eye and tell them what I think. Sure, it may get me in a little bit of trouble tomorrow, but only if others give me that chance.
I'm beginning to love life again, and everybody in it with me. Friends are an amazing thing to have, and I don't think I'd be here now if it weren't for some of you guys. Daydream Believer, Loud, Psycat, Janelle, Gold... Thanks guys =DLabels: Memoir, School |
| posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Thursday, June 14, 2007 |
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| 6.06.2007 |
| Countdown |
We're into the last stretch of school, guys! There are officially 8 more days of school left before exam week. Things have been pretty hectic for me in the past week or so. Trying to get a procrastinator to do work is like trying to slam a revolving door. Only Chuck Norris can do that, so I'm probably screwed over! =)
In other news, today was a rather eventful day. After a mere 3 hours of sleep, I get to school and get to experience a real CODE RED! Nobody really knew what was going on until we were all inside a class room. We all thought the teachers wanted us to play dodge ball or something.
That was my day, or at least as much of it as my sleep deprived brain can remember.Labels: Memoir, School |
| posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Wednesday, June 06, 2007 |
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| 5.31.2007 |
| Graduation Times Among Us |
Well, it's that time of year again. Exams, summatives, GRADUATION. I've been through two "graduations" so far, all of them trying to prepare me for the real one that so many of my friends are facing now. For the longest time, any sort of "graduation" or "commencement" has really struck me hard. Elementary school, middle school, now high school. I never really knew why it hurt as badly as it did, but now I do. And it all came back to me in a dream.
You could call it a memory, I suppose. Because that's exactly what this dream was. A memory of an old friend of mine. The very last memory I have of her, from the very last time I ever saw her. Her name is Krystal, and I don't remember exactly how we met. When we did meet, though, I was six and she was twelve. We connected instantly, our thirst for knowledge bringing us closer. She had so much to offer me, and I had things that I could offer her. We met in her last year at elementary school, and didn't get really close until it was almost the end. When she left, I was heartbroken. We both were. She gave me an old book, something that she had received when she was my age, a child's book that she still kept close to her heart. Krystal promised me that we would meet again, when we were older, and share all the information that we had gather over the years. Then, just like that, our friendship was over. I never got the chance to see her again. I waited for her to visit the school again, but she never came. If she did, I never saw her. I've been thinking about her a lot lately, and it seems to have come out of nowhere. The memory/dream has really made me look at things a little differently for the past couple of days. Things in my past, present, and future.
I guess its caused me to become depressed around graduations, because I never know if I will ever truly see those people again. Even if they say that they'll keep in contact, things may get in the way, or people may forget. There are so many things about my friendship with Krystal that reflect the way my life is right now. She was an amazing friend, and didn't try to avoid me because I was younger. She "graduated", and I regret not getting to know her sooner. In the past two years, there has been a lot of people that I have met, but didn't stay in contact with. I mean, I met Daydream Believer, Loud, Gold, and some others last year. For some reason, though, I just didn't really bother to see them that much. I'm really regretting that choice now. I mean, sure. We've had an awesome year, but what's going to happen now? Is the end of high school the time when the world rips you away from your friends and flings you somewhere far away for more schooling? If it is, how are we going to keep in touch? For somebody who's tied down rather firmly, Windsor can be a pretty far place to travel too.
I guess the whole point of this was just to tell you all how much I'm going to miss you. I will definitely be there at graduation/commencement; I wouldn't miss it for the world. If I seem down or depressed in the next couple of days, don't worry about it. It'll pass. Then it'll come back. Then it'll pass again. Then a seemingly unending cycle will erupt, but I promise it will pass in due time.
I suppose this is where I'll end this update. Rawr!Labels: Memoir, School, Utter Confusion |
| posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Thursday, May 31, 2007 |
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| 5.29.2007 |
| Belated Birthday News |
Well, my sweet 16th has come and gone. The day was pretty fun, including my first attempt at driving. I think I did pretty well; I only ran one stop sign, and I didn't hit the 2 year old that ran in front of the van. For my very first time behind the wheel, I felt rather confident. As far as birthdays go, mine was quite enjoyable. Some people were missing from the equation, but I'm not mad. Gold, Commie, I'm looking at you two.
I also have to recommend Pirates 3 to anybody who hasn't seen it yet. It may be a movie that you'll either love or hate, but I loved it. It had plenty of comedy, action, and romance. The perfect well-rounded movie. When it ends up at Rainbow Cinema, I'll probably go see it again. If you're not sure about seeing it, wait 'till its there. $3 a movie isn't a bad price to pay for such an amazing movie.
Well, I'm out!Labels: Memoir |
| posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Tuesday, May 29, 2007 |
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| 5.17.2007 |
| Shenanigans over the bedside |
I just got news today that my grandmother fell early this morning/late last night. She fell out of bed and broke the top part of her right arm. She was supposed to have surgery this evening to put some pins and such in, but she wasn't healthy enough to have the surgery; she's got diabetes and high blood pressure. Now she's going to need a cast and brace for the next 4+ months, and she'll need to stay in a retirement home or equivalent. She can't take her insulin shots alone, hence the need for help. She seems fine enough, I suppose, for somebody her age with such an injury. And it could be a lot worse. I'd like to know how she fell out of her bed, though...
"If I ain't in bed by midnight, I'm going home!" ~ My Grandmother XDLabels: Memoir |
| posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Thursday, May 17, 2007 |
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| 5.10.2007 |
| Brilliant Deduction |
So, word is getting around quite quickly. People are telling others, people are seeing for themselves and figuring it out slowly. If you're still trying to figure it out, the answer is YES. We are going out. No, it's not illegal. No, he's not too old. Yes, I am dating a guy. Yes, I do still like girls. No, I don't care if you don't approve. What's happened has happened, and I'm in this until the end, however soon or far away that may be. And if I start rambling on about him for some reason, just slap me.
On another note, this grounding isn't so bad. They took away my computer and my games, supposedly. I'm writing this blog post in front of them, and they know I'm on the computer. Of course, they don't know I'm actually writing this post. That would be pushing my luck.
Woops, I have to go now. Talk to you later!Labels: Memoir, School, Soapbox |
| posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Thursday, May 10, 2007 |
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| 5.07.2007 |
| Number 1, 2, and C |
Yesterday was a day of awesome-fun-goodness. I went out to the movies with Gold and Janelle. We went to the cheapest freaking theater ever: The tickets there are only $3! Anyways, we went and saw Epic Movie. I thought it was pretty funny, even though I haven't seen half the movies they referenced yet. I'd see it again when it comes out on DVD.
Today was pretty awesome too. Shockingly awesome. But I think that might be a story for another day. And by another day, I mean after some time to think about what happened. Maybe I'll tell you tomorrow. Or the day after. Or never! =P In all seriousness, I'll probably tell a few of you tomorrow, if the others in the story don't mind. You know who you are. I'm sure it'll be okay, but I thought I might ask. If you consider this to be asking, of course.
Tomorrow will probably be pretty awesome too. I will be at the Rainbow Youth Forum, showing off my wonderful Bisexual Lesbian tendencies. No worries, though, mmkay? I promise not to kidnap anybody and violate them... This time. I will, hopefully, get to see a bunch of people I met at the last Rainbow Youth Forum like Steph. Perhaps I'll even run across Sheldon while I'm there.
I'm out!Labels: Memoir |
| posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Monday, May 07, 2007 |
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| 5.01.2007 |
| School Computers are Evil |
If you read back to my last post, you may see different words in quotations that weren't present when I actually made the post. There is a very simple, yet very evil reason for this. The school blocked my blog. See, apparently, my last post contained a banned word. So, the censor automatically felt that the blog was evil and found it fit to block it. So, now that I'm home, I went and changed the words that I felt were being banned. Hopefully, we'll be able to tell by tomorrow ^_^ Gold, could you check it out for me tomorrow? I would really appreciate it.
They should change the policy on school computers. I mean, I don't want them totally monitoring what we're doing, but they shouldn't be so strict on how we waste our time. I mean, if we're going to waste our time, we should be allowed. If anything, they shouldn't block sites based on "banned words". I mean, if they just heard the way we talk, they wouldn't understand that we aren't children anymore. Just because my blog says "smut" on it, or an email talks about something else the school deems "inappropriate", doesn't mean that it should be banned. Sometimes people go on rants, or need websites for projects that have been banned because the webmaster went on a little rant. They need to be more flexible with what they do and don't allow. The school seems to have broken things down into _ categories: Banned Words, Adult Content, Games, Hacking, Magic + Occult, and probably a chatting one.
Adult Content, Games, and Hacking I can understand. Like I mentioned before, Banned Words shouldn't be as strict as it is. Magic + Occult sounds like something that the Catholic school board would ban, not public school. I say this because all Pagan religions and a lot of folklore fall under this category. It should be mentioned that all other religions, however, are available and accessible. Christianity, Judaism, Islam, and Hinduism is all available. I know this because of a project I did in English class once, on Life of Pi. Anyways, I find this pretty discriminatory. Not just because I practice a Pagan religion, but because it is blatant discrimination and ignorance. It's not fair, and doesn't even follow the Zero Tolerance rule towards discrimination. Something needs to be changed about the school computer censors.
So, that was my daily rant. With only 5 calories a serving, and wonderful blend of spices, you'll never have to worry about getting to much! Enjoy! =DLabels: Memoir, School, Soapbox |
| posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Tuesday, May 01, 2007 |
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| 4.30.2007 |
| I Follow Through, Eventually |
So, I told the mystery guy how I feel, like I said I would. Things went about as well as I expected they would, too. We're still friends, which is great. My only goal for this encounter was to get it off of my chest so that it wouldn't affect me so much. Maybe now that the news is out there, I won't keep thinking about it all the time. I won't need to worry about things like when I'll tell him, how I'll tell him, or how he'll react; there is no suspense in things that have already happened. Life will just keep going on, and anything that comes from this will happen on it's own. I'm not going to force the matter anymore than it's already been forced. I don't want him to feel as if I'm trying to push him into a relationship that he doesn't want.
See, I'm a funny creature: As long as I can stay friends with somebody, I am (more or less) perfectly happy to give up a chance for a relationship. I've had bad relationship outcomes in the past, and I suppose it's clouded my feelings towards them. I mean, don't get me wrong; I find being in a relationship very satisfying. The outcomes, however, tend to hurt me deeper than any physical wound could. On a side note, I never actually asked him out. I merely told him how I felt. That way, there was no actual rejection involved. Everything is good now, or as good as it can get.
On another note, I heard lots of stories from Gold, Janelle, and Daydream believer about their trip to Japan. Everything from being "touched" on the bus to seeing guys reading "smut" on the train, to scaring people away without actually doing anything. Sounds like it was lots of fun, and I can't wait to go next year!
Yes... Alright... Indeed! *shifty eyes*Labels: Memoir |
| posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Monday, April 30, 2007 |
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| 4.29.2007 |
| Back from the dead |
Well, I guess it's time I update again. The rumors are true, you see; I died, and am now back from the dead. Gotta love them trusty phoenix downs! =D
So, there's not much news in the life of me. I'm glad to see that you guys are back from Japan. Can't wait to hear all about it tomorrow.
I suppose the only interesting thing that has happened is my resolve to tell the mystery guy how I feel. I will tell him, and whatever happens after that is left to chance, fate, and lady luck. I just hope, pray, that our friendship can stand up. I doubt our friendship will crumble, but I still need to get over the small little insecurities. As my grandmother would say, I'm making mountains out of molehills again. Luck, if you've ever been a lady to begin with... Luck be a lady tonight!
I guess I'll end my post here. Can't wait to see you all tomorrow!
Labels: Memoir |
| posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Sunday, April 29, 2007 |
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| 4.11.2007 |
| Let them throw stones |
I wish my life could just get easier. I'm working on fixing my previously mentioned problems, but a new one has come up. One that I just don't know what to think about. I think I'm getting feelings for a friend. Not just any friend... A male friend. Until know, I've felt I was exclusively interested in women. Now, I ain't got nothing against Bisexuals, or the term. But I feel I identify more with the term of Lesbian! I mean, this post alone will have some of you questioning my integrity in using the term. In my opinion, I swing so far towards the fairer sex that the term Bisexual is almost a misnomer. I can get away with keeping the term if I don't date him, but what if I want to? How many people would get mad at me for continuing to call myself a Lesbian? Other Queer folks like me wouldn't really mind, they might understand. But what about you guys? My friends, the ones who know me? Would you get mad at me? Would you understand?
I still have to find out if I really do have true feelings, or if its just a reflection of a deepening friendship? One thing is certain, I do NOT want a repeat of what happened with Pink Kitty or Blue Guitar. Something like that would just rip me apart; Another failed relationship with a good friend would leave me broken.
Guys, I need your help here. What should I do?
And, before I forget! I'll miss you guys! Gold, Janelle, Daydream Believer (You saw nothing)! I love you all! =) HAVE FUN, GUYS!
Labels: Memoir, Utter Confusion |
| posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Wednesday, April 11, 2007 |
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| 4.07.2007 |
| Dynamite |
Nothing is making sense. My whole world seems to be going tipsy-turvy on me, and I don't know why. My grades are sinking, I'm procrastinating on things I wouldn't procrastinate on, I havn't been hungry, I keep sleeping more and more, and I keep bitching about every little thing. I also seem to be twitching and fidgiting a lot more than usual. You'd think I had some wierd sort of "'lazy-ass' disease for twitchers"or something.
My grades are what bother me the most. I mean, last I heard, I had 18% in Careers. 18 fucking percent! It's possible to pass, but that involves doing kick-ass on my summative. Which means I should be working on it. But I'm not. Instead, I'm sitting on my ass playing games, or watching tv, or blogging, or just doing nothing.
Like I said as well, I'm getting a whole lot bitchier. Things that I would normally shrug and say meh to are causing me to get pissed off and storm out of the room. Not even 30 minutes ago, my parents told me to find something to eat for dinner. I ain't hungry. After saying that, they told me to eat anyways. So what did I do? I yelled at them and came down here, practically in tears. Why? I have no fucking idea!
So, there you have it. My life just seems to be getting worse and worse. I think I'll go curl up in a hole somewhere and rot, if you don't mind.Labels: Memoir, Soapbox |
| posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Saturday, April 07, 2007 |
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Vagabond Sphinx
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| Am I The Walrus? |
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Name: Scarlet Gypsy
About Me: I am an unknown, an enigma. I am misunderstood by all, yet unable to understand myself. For now, I am the Scarlet Gypsy; roaming from place to place, from thought to thought, until I can find myself under all the dust.
Stalkers, Click Here (Profile)
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