Vagabond Sphinx

5.26.2008
Another Year
So, it's my birthday today.
According to all the automated emails I've been getting, it's my 17th, 19th, 21st, 25th, and 28th birthday. Hooray?

Really, it's just... a day. I don't feel any older. But I've been doing a lot of thinking. Thinking about how my life is now, how my life was then, and how I want my life to be. And I've realized that my life can be compared to color.

See, back at the beginning of high school... My life wasn't too bad. I had friends, I got along with my parents. Things weren't great, but they weren't bad, either. It was sepia-toned.

Then I woke up one morning... And everything was dull and bleak. I realized just how tired I was... My parents and I didn't get along anymore, and I had lost interest in school. My friends were still there for me, but it seems like they don't always understand what I'm going through. But, they try, and I'm grateful for that. It's black and white.

When I think of the future, I get hopeful. I see myself in my own house. I see myself happy, and energetic. Like the old me, I enjoy life much more than I do now. Life is great, and it can only get better. It's in color.

One day, my life will change. I won't be so tired...

Why am I so tired?

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posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Monday, May 26, 2008   0 comments

4.20.2008
Oh, The Tragedy
I managed to get a copy of that conversation... Brace yourself XD

Fundiezilla: Come to ma church tomorrow plzz!

Scarlet: I have to work tomorrow. Also, church people tend to dislike people like me. You know... The whole "witches are evil" thing, and the "women shouldn't love women" thing.

Fundiezilla: u c dats da hole point! Ma mum wants to get u out of believin in all dat witchcraft nonsense an she wants u to becum a Straight girl wich is y u need to come to ma church yomorrow so dat u can be Saved by Jesus Christ!

Scarlet: Fundiezilla, I'm sorry. That's not the way I am.
I don't need to be saved. I chose my religion, and this is what I believe. Do you try and convert all the Jews, Muslims, Hindus, etc.? They believe what they believe, and you believe what you believe. If I'm going to burn in hell, well... I put myself there.
As for my sexual orientation... I didn't chose that. I can't change that. It's who I am, and it's who I'll always be. But look on the brightside (for you, at least)... I've found the person I want to be with, and he's male.

Fundiezilla: k ma mum is only tryin to make u a better person an a better Christian. U need to get rid of da bisexual orientation. It not rite an God will not luve u for it an u will be sent to hell to burn for all eternity. Also quit believen in Wicca ur only maken god madder at u an u will also be sent to hell for dat too. Soo call in sick tomorrow fir werk an come to ma church to here bout God's werd.

Scarlet: I am not Christian. I used to go to church, and it wasn't right for me. Wicca is. I follow the Wiccan Rede, "An it harm none, do as thou will".
Why would God hate me for being a kinder person?
As for my bisexuality... I didn't choose to be this way. I can't choose to not be this way. It'll always be a part of me. Since the day I was born, I have been this way. God made me this way.
Tell your Mom that I don't need saving. Tell your Mom that I am always going to love looking at naked women.
Tell your Mom that I am going to live my life the way I want to, and I am going to follow the Wiccan Rede and love the Earth.
... Tell your Mom to mind her own fucking business, and not to shove her/your religion down my throat again.

Fundiezilla: Excuse Me! My mom is NOT happy witchu u rite Now! If u dont do waut she says then she will do it for u!! Shes sendin her pastor over to ur hous tomorrow at 8:30 a.m. Sharp! Be up an ready an dont go to werk!!!

Scarlet: Fundiezilla, you don't even know where I live -_-

Fundiezilla: yes i do in [Generic Large Neighbourhood] an i know ur phone nember too!

Scarlet: Well, good luck with that.

[And, just now...]

Fundiezilla: My mum coudent cum over to ur hous today wit her pastor cuz it was such short notice.....but......my mums pastor is cumin over nxt Sunday same time sooo u better be up an take dat day off form werk! I Mean It! We know where u live so u cant run nor Hide Scarlet Gypsy!!!!!!!!!


So, I obviously edited that a little bit... But just the names and area that I live. I'm kind of interested to see if she keeps trying. She seems kind of desperate XD

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posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Sunday, April 20, 2008   2 comments

4.19.2008
So, You Want To Go To Hell...
Well, I just had an interesting argument with a "friend" of mine. Unfortunately, Facebook deleted her account and messages before I could get a good copy of them. It was quite interesting.

It started off simple, with her asking me to go to her church with her tomorrow...
I declined, because of work and... Well, most churches find people like me to be evil =D
Well, apparently that's why she wants me to go.

It's been a while since I've had anybody tell me that I need to be saved. And it's the first time, I think, that I've been told that I need to "fix myself" and become a straight girl.

The conversation ended with her claiming that her Mom was going to get the pastor of their church to come pick me up at 8:30 sharp tomorrow morning. Shortly after that, her account got deleted along with all her posts.

It made me feel a bit bad for her, really. She's been controlled by her Mom for years. She's not really the religious fanatic, her Mom is. And she does and says what her Mom wants. She didn't even try and hide it in her posts, and friends of mine that know her Mom have told me that it's not just a cover. She's a puppet. I mean, sure. She's religious as well, and she does have her issues... But if it wasn't for her Mom, I think she'd be a nicer person.

I also realized just how lucky I am. I have such potential to be discriminated against, especially by the overly-religious. And yet, it hasn't really happened.
The biggest case of discrimination I've had was by this girl in middle school who was certifiably crazy. She kept going on about how her family was the last in a line of "famous witch hunters", and it was their goal to burn all the witches. She was the kind of person who would yell insults at me from across the street if she saw me, and threatened me to my face. Luckily, it was all empty threats. I probably should have been scared, considering the potential she had for actually hurting me... But I just held my head high and kept walking.
And, until tonight, I don't think I've ever really been discriminated against for liking women. I mean, I've met people who don't agree, and people who think it's a choice... But I'd never really met anybody who has told me to change, that I need to stop "sinning" and follow the way of God and be straight.

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posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Saturday, April 19, 2008   0 comments

3.06.2008
Don't Let Me Fall
Things have changed in my life, I've gotten older, I've matured.
I've faced hardships at home, I've spent a large part of my life being rejected by everybody...
But now it's time to finally prove myself, to show them that I won't falter.

I can no longer find (good) reasons to live in a house where I'm treated like a guest, where I'm more of a maid then a daughter. I can no longer accept living in a house where I'm treated like a child, where I'm told that I'll never amount to anything.
I can no longer handle the stress of watching my parents fight, and then blaming every little thing that goes wrong around the house on me.

The gears have started to move, and they'll only get faster from here on in.

Now, I know what some of you might be thinking. I went on like this at the beginning of the year. And I'm still at home. What gives?
Well, I didn't actually have the means to support myself back then. I was being paid minimum wage, and there was no guarantee that I would actually have my job for any length of time. But the thought never really left my mind.
Recently, I've had a lot of family troubles... Big ones. I had a breakdown over the weekend, and it caused me to do something that I told myself a long time ago that I would never do again. I regret it, and I don't think I could have brought myself back so quickly if it wasn't for my friends... But what's done is done, and it's really helped me to focus my thoughts and energy on finding a solution.

I'm saving money, and I'm getting used to working an extra shift each week. If everything goes as planned, I hope to be in my own apartment by July 1st. I understand how tough it'll be, but I really do think I can manage... I've done my research, I've done my calculations.

When it finally comes moving day, I may ask if some of you guys can help me move my stuff... I don't have high hopes that my parents will help, and I know it would be a lot easier/cheaper to get help from you guys then to hire movers XD
Besides, I don't have THAT much stuff =P

Oh, and in case you guys are wondering... I'll still be going to Gloucester after I move out. I'll still graduate, and I won't sacrifice school for freedom =)

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posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Thursday, March 06, 2008   2 comments

2.01.2008
Syntax Error
I know its been a long time since I updated...
With work, school, and what little life I have, it can be hard to find time to actually tell you guys what's going on with me lately.

So, I'm going to do a quick summary of things that have happened of interest.

Christmas came and went. While it may have started off on an angry note, it quickly became the best Christmas I've ever had. I got to spend time with Gold, and even though it wasn't a lot, it was enough to make me feel absolutely wonderful.
... And his family is pretty wacky and cool too. They gave me the world's loudest, cutest, and most annoying alarm clock ever. I don't use it, because of how loud and annoying it is, but I keep it on my end table for decoration ^_^
The Christmas holidays, on a whole, were full of rest and relaxation. Also, friends.

And then came New Years.
I got to spend time with close friends that I hadn't seen for a while. Loud, Daydream Believer, and Star were there, as was Gold. And while it was a lot of fun talking with everybody that was there, and watching people become tangled knots of laughter... The part that I loved the most came when the fun had ended, as people began to sleep... Loud, I can't thank you enough for what you did. You turned New Years into the best night of my life... Things may not have been perfect, but it was still so... amazing. At times, I thought maybe I was dreaming, that it might not be real...
I can't think of a better way to bring in the New Year then to fall asleep (or, at least, try to sleep) next to the one person you love more than anything else in the world... And I wouldn't have been able to do so if it wasn't for your understanding, Loud. Thank you =D

So far, 2008 has been pretty slow. Gold's birthday came and went, and now he is the not-as-awkward age of 19. Also known as his final year of being a dreaded TEENAGER. I'm surprised my parents didn't get twitchy about it. After all, they get twitchy when they see us cuddling on the couch because they instantly think we're up to no good. And I wish I was kidding >_<
Anyway, I was happy that I could celebrate his birthday with him, and that he enjoyed my (late) gift. Maybe he'll be here for my next one! =P
... And maybe I won't lose whatever gift he decides to get me =/

I'm being cross-trained at my new job... I'm going to become the morning weekend baker. I'll be working from 4am until 12 every Saturday and Sunday. What... fun? I mean, baking is a lot better then dealing with whiny customers. But at 4 in the morning, I don't know how well I'll be functioning. Ah well.

As you may be able to tell, my brain function is deteriorating as the time goes by. I'm writing this because I don't really have anything better to do. School starts up again tomorrow, and I should have been in bed at least an hour ago. But I'm just not tired enough to sleep. And I have to be up in 6 hours... Boo.
At least I passed grade 11 gifted math. TAKE THAT, KENNEDY/SATAN. After all, you're the same person. We all know you are.

Bah. I should sleep now. I guess.
In one last piece of news... I'm addicted to Second Cup, and wish that there was one closer to my house. But the closest one is about 20 minutes away =(

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posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Friday, February 01, 2008   0 comments

11.30.2007
We're Releasing On Time
... Alright, so you guys probably thought I'd never update again. You were probably right, but I changed my mind. Ha!
I haven't updated in a while because there hasn't really been much to update about... I mean, things have been happening, but they aren't necessarily update worthy or they've been too personal.
But, I'm going to try.

For the last little while, I haven't been doing so good. I've been doing a lot of crying. Things have been stressful, really stressful. I've been working 4 days/21.5 hours a week, and going to school full time. I don't have time to see the people that I want to see as often as I would like, and sometimes it hurts. But I'm working through it the best I can. Besides... I would rather see you once every two weeks then never again.
Things have been getting better though. There's something different in the air, and it's like there's a new energy pulsing through my veins. The last time I cried, it wasn't out of sadness. It was out of absolute happiness. It was out of being accepted exactly as I am, with all my problems and differences. It was being allowed to be who I am, without having to be afraid. It was seeing things that I thought would be ignored fall into place. It was... wonderful.

Also, I've quit my job.
That's right, no more Harvey's. I handed in my two weeks today. Why, you ask? Don't I need the money, you ask? Of course I need the money. But I have a new job. A closer job. I got hired at the new Tim Horton's that's being built just down the street from my house. I'll be working two eight hour shifts on the weekend, for a total of 16 hours a week. That's close to what I had, and I'm pretty sure I won't die from it.
... I hope.

My sister has finally left home.
All her stuff is still here, but she is not. Nobody seems quite sure where she's going to stay or when she's getting her stuff, but she does not want to come back. Right now, she's staying with her abusive ex-boyfriend. She always ends up going back to him. But apparently this time, he doesn't want her. She said something about trying to find a place, but she doesn't even have a job right now.

I'm not sure what else has happened in the last 2 months... My brain is sleeping right now.

... ... ... I miss you, Daydream Believer! =D

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posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Friday, November 30, 2007   1 comments

10.07.2007
Tightrope walking
I've been doing a lot of thinking, lately. My brain is making me think things that I normally wouldn't think about. More insecurities have appeared, making me fight desperately to put out the fires in my mind. It's as if my mind has split in half, and a part of it wants to ruin everything that I have fought so hard for. Sometimes it's like somebody else is controlling what I do.
... I didn't mean to. I know you don't care, but I feel like I broke your trust. Perhaps it's just my mind working things against me, magnifying them greater then they deserve to be. Or maybe I'm right to feel guilty. I don't know.

Sometimes I feel like I'm a puppet of sorts. When I hang around a person for a while, I slowly begin acting like them. Does anybody else ever notice this (happening to me or to themselves)? Over the years, I've picked up small gestures or speech from so many people. And I don't usually notice. If I do notice, though, it's a really strange feeling. It makes me feel disconnected from myself, as if I've become a whole new person.
Am I starting the cycle all over again, just following blindly with no real sense of direction? Or am I just falling back into something I knew so long ago? I can only hope you're helping me find my way back to something that was once so familiar. I don't want this to be just another lie, something that becomes branded upon my brain because I've been exposed to it so much. Please don't misunderstand! I am so glad that you can trust me and that you aren't afraid to talk about it. I'm just afraid of what would happen if I fell back in and got your hopes up, only to realize later on that it wasn't REAL. Does that make sense?

... I may or may not continue this post a little later on.

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posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Sunday, October 07, 2007   2 comments

9.15.2007
Ocean Currents
It’s been a while since my last post. So much has happened since then, I just haven’t found the time to keep you all updated. Now that summer is over, and the leaves are starting to change, it seems like the winds are pushing me in a direction that I’ve never saw myself going before. Like a baby bird, it’s as if the winds are telling me that the time to fly is now, that it’s time to spread my wings and jump headfirst into the unknown. But if I miss… Will I be perpetually fighting the ocean currents, unable to find my way back to shore? I suppose only time will tell…

While it may not make sense, I feel as if I should feel different then I do. After everything that has happened since the beginning of the summer… Have I even matured any since then? I’ve experienced so much over the last two months. I’ve felt new emotions, new sensations… New peace? Perhaps I have changed a little. Maybe I’m finally starting to become a more balanced person. And YOU were the one who was finally able to deactivate the time bomb. Each and every one of you helped in some way. You’ve all managed to make me into a better person, and it scares me a little to think of how I may have turned out had I not met any of you.
To all my friends: I love you.
(And, while I’m at it…
To Daydream Believer: >:( WHY HAVEN’T I HEARD FROM YOU YET?)

I know most of you have absolutely no idea what I’m talking about. You know what? I don’t really care. If you want to know, ask and I might tell. If I don’t tell you, please don’t feel offended. I’m still trying to figure out everything that’s happening around me, and it might not be the right time to tell you yet. It doesn’t mean you are any less of a friend to me.

And now, onto some more mundane things.

Being the language junkie that I am, I’ve created a list of languages and alphabets that I want to learn. And guess what? I’m going to share it with you! Hooray! =D
All right, so you could say that I stole the idea from Gold. However, I promise that my list of things isn’t going to be so enigmatic. In fact, I’m going to tell you exactly what everything is! Isn’t that nice of me? Actually, it’s just because I’m too damn lazy and uncreative to come up with such a clever list. Yeah, I'm great. Anyway, these are the things that I'm learning, interested in, or already know.

English (I hope)
Japanese
Latin
Ancient Greek
Ogham
Standard Galactic (What can I say? I'm a nerd too, and now you've got me hooked!)
Quenya(This used to be an old project of mine that I abandoned and may start again. Yes, I've always been that nerdy.)
Sanskrit
Mohawk (My native language!)

I'll update this list more later. There are a ton of other languages.

Well, I've run out of things to say, I think. I'll try not to let things get in the way of posting regularly.
posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Saturday, September 15, 2007   2 comments

8.05.2007
Half-Way Point
Well, up until recently, my summer has been going by at lightning speed. I've been working a lot, and haven't seen most of the people that I've wanted to see this summer. The idea that there is only one more month left before school seems preposterous. But, now that I see just how little time there actually is left, it makes me want to cut down on my work hours (which I just started getting more of so I can save for Stratford) and start spending time with everybody.

I suppose this is really just a check up, to let everybody know I'm still alive, and I want to see them. Before the summer is over, we are all going to get together. This must be done, obviously, before Daydream Believer leaves for Windsor. So, I want people to start phoning me to plan things. Because if people don't start phoning me, I will show up at your house randomly and drag you away, regardless of what it is you are doing at the moment of my break in.
You have been warned.

... And if you don't have my cell number, just ask =P

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posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Sunday, August 05, 2007   2 comments

7.15.2007
Sarah Bazil... May you rest in peace

I only had the pleasure of getting to know Sarah a couple of days ago, but her death strikes me hard. She was a thoughtful, loving, funny, thought-provoking person. We got along together instantly, finding ourselves with common interests and friends. I met her at summer school, in my World Religions class. Unfortunately, Sarah had Bipolar disorder, and fell into a state of serious depression. On Friday, July 13 2007, she made the painful decision to take her own life. She will be missed by her friends, family, and everybody she knew.

I love you, Sarah.
I will NEVER FORGET YOU.

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posted by Scarlet Gypsy @ Sunday, July 15, 2007   1 comments

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Name: Scarlet Gypsy

About Me: I am an unknown, an enigma. I am misunderstood by all, yet unable to understand myself. For now, I am the Scarlet Gypsy; roaming from place to place, from thought to thought, until I can find myself under all the dust.
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